Poor Reese Witherspoon. She's always having to choose between two hunky guys: It happened in "Sweet Home Alabama." It happened in "How Do You Know." Even (sorta kinda) in "Legally Blonde." 

Now she's forced to choose between Chris Pine as FDR and Tom Hardy as Tuck in "This Means War." (For what it's worth, I think she makes the wrong choice at the end, but everyone else is happy.) "This Means War" is the latest in the ongoing effort to entice those who love action comedy and those who love romantic comedy to the same movie. According to the post-Valentine's Day weekend returns, not much of either demographic showed up.

But I did, and I liked it. Sure it's silly and implausible and Witherspoon can be annoying, but I like the no-nonsense competence her character, Lauren, shows in most of this movie and the interplay between the two guys is clever, even when it's largely testosterone-driven.

FDR and Tuck are not just any rivals for the girl's affection. They are best buddies and covert operatives for the CIA. In Los Angeles. If that sounds like the TV show, "Chuck," it might not be accidental. Don't mess with success.

As CIA agents, the boys use their espionage abilities and equipment on the object of their affections. One almost balletic scene has them executing a brown bag operation on Lauren's apartment as she bops around obliviously, making popcorn and dancing to the music in the way you only do when you think no one is looking. (Me? No I don't do that. No.) FDR and Tuck's spying is pretty chaste, though you would have imagined at least one of these guys would be tempted to do some shower peeping on their target.

While trying to outdo each other in their wooing, they are also coping as a team with some sort of international bad guy whose brother they killed. What's it about and why? Doesn't matter. This part of the plot fades for long stretches while romance comes to the fore. That is, "This Means War" refers to the war between friends more than the war between countries. However, international evil surfaces occasionally, and the battling is so frenetic you can't quite tell what's going on. That's so you don't notice how artificial it all is.

Articial also probably applies to the dichotomy between Tuck -- earnest, in touch with feelings and ready for love -- and FDR -- shallow, in touch with his black book and ready for a score. Lauren must make her choice under threat of death, as a huge SUV careers toward her, ready to knock her into oblivion. She opts for ... I'm not telling.

But Witherspoon will probably just have to decide all over again in her next film. Kind of like "Groundhog Day" without the snow.

It might not be universally acknowledged, but it is nevertheless the truth that not all remakes are created equal. 

When it became known that Keira Knightley was going to star in a new version of Austen's "Pride and Prejudice," (back around 2005) I think more than a few Jane-ists were horrified. Although the actress shares a surname with one of Austen's most-clear-headed characters, her critics could only paraphrase Emma's Mr. Knightley: "Badly done, Keira." The girl just wasn't right for the part, so they said.

I watched Knightley's "Pride and Prejudice" (2005) again recently, and I enjoyed it. That is, I enjoyed it as much as I could with my wife cringing and shaking her head next to me. For her, it's the book or it's Jennifer Ehle's "P&P," (1995) and nothing else measures up. To be sure, the multi-part BBC version is remarkably faithful to Austen's book and the Knightley version is not. How could a two-hour version be equally faithful?

Knightley's version, I admit, has one or two scenes of overwrought emotion, worsened by heavy-handed music. And I do find Knightley's giggles and the way she brings her hand over her laughing mouth somehow annoying. (Would "vexatious" be appropriate?) But I don't agree that there's something "wrong" about the portrayal. It's just different. I thought the film carried the sense, humor and emotions of the book's story well, and I like some of the secondary characters better in the newer version than in the BBC. Better means I still dislike Mr. Collins, but found the less-oily new version more palatable.

I also enjoyed some beautiful (though admittedly unnecessary) landscape shots in the new version and appreciated a Bennett home that better reflected the family's frayed gentility. The divergences from the original plot, well, they mattered little to me. In the end, I take joy in the inevitable pairing, though I've seen and read it many times before.

But I won't watch this version again soon. I have compassion for Mrs. CFG's poor nerves.

What do you think? Have you seen the two (or more) P&P versions? Feel free to take the little poll or write a comment.

Presidents get no respect. They serve their country, hardly ever do anything illegal or immoral, and what thanks do they get? Here and there they get a coin, a school, a library, a statue. More and more, however, someone puts them in a bizarre movie that belittles their greatness (or their weaknesses) and there's nothing they can do about it. Especially not if they're already dead, as most presidents are. 

Here then, are a few examples of the strange things we (by which I mean film makers) have chosen to do with our elected leaders. (Or maybe not-clearly elected leaders, in the case of George W.) By the way, these are not for the most part romantic comedies - or romances of any sort.

1. "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" (2012) -- I wish I made this one up, but it's for real. The plot has Honest Abe discovering a plot by vampires to take over the United States. I can only hope it's some sore of political allegory.
   
2. "An Amercan Carol" (2008) -- A spoof of Michael Moore and liberals, in general, built around the concept of Dickens' "A Christmas Carol." With the Father of Our Country as Angelina Jolie's father. Well, really with Jon Voight as George Washington.
   
3. "Definitely, Maybe" (2010) -- Real Bill Clinton shows up in old clips in the movie centered around a political campaign worker/consultant. Some of them relate to the Lewinsky scandal. A fake Clinton shows up jogging in Central Park.
   
4. "Fancy Pants" (1950) -- Bob Hope and Lucille Ball in an antic film that features a visit from Teddy Roosevelt.
   
5. "The Gorgeous Hussy" (1936) -- Hey, this one sounds romantic. IMDB says, "President Andrew Jackson's friendship with an innkeeper's daughter spells trouble for them both." With Lionel Barrymore as Andrew Jackson. Can we look for Drew Barrymore to play President Hillary Clinton someday?
   
6. "Wild, Wild West" (1999) -- Kevin Kline must save Kevin Kline from the evil doctor. In this case, Kline plays Artemus Gordon and Ulysses S. Grant.
   
7. "IQ" (1994) -- The wackier portrayal in this film is probably Walter Matthau as Albert Einstein, but there is also a bit with President Eisenhower.
   
8. "Dick" (1999) -- I think Dan Hedaya's great, but I'm not so sure about this movie, which has him as Tricky Dick Nixon. I only saw bits of it and it was hard to tolerate despite cute-as-buttons Michelle Williams and Kirsten Dunst.
   
9. "Pizza Man" (1991) -- Ronald Reagan is the president in this movie with a story based on a pizza man discovering a plot to rule the world. The only stranger presidential pizza man movie would be the one based on Herman Cain's  (former CEO of Godfather's Pizza) campaign for office.
   
10. "Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay" (2008) -- I'm probably not the first to say it, but this movie sounds like torture to me. The dope smoking protagonists share some with George W. Bush, though I thought W was more into coke.
    

Special Bonus: "The Man and the City" -- I just had to include this show although it's TV and though there's no real president. I liked it because Anthony Quinn plays a character with my last name added to a president: Thomas Jefferson Alcalá. 

I'm a cyclist, so I'm a little sensitive to cars and bicycles not getting along. When there's a conflict, bicyclists usually lose. Just today, a car turned in front of me when I was in the bike lane, but guess who had to stop.

Anyway, it may be that my bike sense was triggered when I noticed two recent movies with very similar bike versus car scenes. So I decided to come up with a couple of others on the theme. 

"A Good Year" (2006) -- Investor inherits French winery and discovers himself. The character played by Russell Crowe is fiddling with a bit of technology (his phone) as he's driving and takes his eyes off the road just in time to run a cyclist -- the character played by Marion Cotillard -- off the road.  Later, they fall in love.

"Eat Pray Love" (2010) -- Writer in crisis travels to discover herself. The character played by Javier Bardem is fiddling with a bit of technology (his tape deck) as he's driving and takes his eyes off the road just in time to run a cyclist -- the character played by Julia Roberts -- off the road.  Later, they fall in love. (Sound familiar?)

"One Day" (2011) -- A charming film of long-frustrated love reaches a climax with a bike v. truck accident that was so unexpected I flinched in pain. Well, the pain may have been because I was in a sling with a broken arm at the time. Broken from falling off my bike.

"Conversations with Other Women" (2005) -- As Aaron Eckhart's character, Man, undresses Helena Bonham Carter, as Woman, he notices a nasty scar on her leg that didn't used to be there. She had been hit by a car and was in the hospital for months, she tells him.

"Bike Lanes" -- OK, so this isn't a romantic film at all, but five is a better number than four and I've always liked this YouTube short of a guy who gets cited for riding outside the bike lane and goes on to show what happens if cyclists stay in the lane. You can see the whole thing below.

Aside from the fact that Helena Bonham Carter appeared in two of these films, they really don't have any connection -- except that I saw them in the past couple of weeks and didn't want to do a whole post on any one of them. They're all decent films, though, and some are a little off the beaten track, so I thought it might be worth calling them to your attention.

"The King's Speech" (2010) ✰✰✰✰ -- The best of the five, but not the one I'd rate my favorite. Geoffrey Rush does a wonderful job portraying Lionel Logue's unbroken cool in the face of a monarch who is wrathful and pitiful at the same time. Actually, that cool is broken once, when his wife comes home unexpectedly and finds the Queen having tea alone at her table. Perhaps not my favorite because it's not about love (the Chick Flick Guy's favorite topic) although Helena Bonham Carter's manifest adoration for and complete support of her husband, the King, is great.

"That Thing You Do" (1996) ✰✰✰✰ -- About as far from "The King's Speech" as you can get (and still have a movie I'd watch.) Tom Hanks' clever film takes us back to the early 1960s, albeit a version of that decade that's as freshly scrubbed as a Mouseketeer. He recreates the sound of the times in a clever soundtrack and even handles the prickly race issue with some unthreatening characters. Liv Tyler is as sweet as she's ever been -- almost diabetes-inducing. Tom Everett Scott does a great job, sadly making him as much a one-hit wonder as his band in the film. Hanks does a lovely, smirking supporting role and Obba Babatunde and Steve Zahn are scene stealers. I'd watch this again right now.

"Converstions with Other Women" (2005) ✰✰✰✰ -- A fascinating film on a couple of levels. It uses a split-screen double shot for almost the entire film. Sometimes the action is shared with flashback, sometimes it's the same moment from two angles, sometimes it's different takes. It feels much like an adapted stage play, as everything of significance takes place between just two characters. What I'm most intrigued by, however, is how it looks at the old topic of infidelity between two characters who, we're meant to believe, belong together. The relationship was doomed long ago, for reasons we don't quite know, but like one of the characters, we keep looking for a way for it to work. And then are satisfied when it doesn't. It's the kind of film that makes a Chick Flick Guy feel more mature. By the way, for CFG regulars, it has a bouquet toss not mentioned in my earlier post on bridal flowers.

"Something Borrowed" (2011) ✰✰✰ -- In some ways, this is the opposite of "Conversations." It's the same theme, but handled in a rather drawn out, and occasionally tedious fashion. The good movies don't have you saying, "We know what's going to happen. Stop putting it off." But this move has you saying that. It does throw in a few minor curves, but it still tries to have you buy into a rather shaky (to my mind) happily ever after. Kate Hudson's the big name in this film, but not the focus, which is kind of nice. By the way, the film is based on a novel that is part of a series. Which explains the "To be continued" notice during the credits.

"Anything Else" (2003) ✰✰✰ -- Perhaps the most depressing romantic comedy ever. Christina Ricci may as well be wearing horns for all the discomfiting devilment she, as Jerry Falk's girlfriend Amanda, inflicts on Falk, played by Jason Biggs. But she's not the only one who torments his character by manipulating him. There's a psychiatrist, an agent, Amanda's mother and Falk's pal/mentor, played by the moviemaker himself, Woody Allen. This is classic Allen angst unrelieved by optimism. Yeah, there are jokes, but there is no levity. Well-made, well-acted, not too enjoyable. But if I told Allen that, he's say, "Yes, but it's like anything else."

"One for the Money," (2012) which is based on the first of Janet Evanovich's successful series of Stephanie Plum novels,  seems clearly to have been made with the thought that it would spawn an equally popular series of films. Off the top of my head, I'm guessing the movie maker calculus equation involved a lot of dependable constants like these:

• Plucky heroine played by bankable star, looking for a series that would keep her busy for years
  
• Fish-out-of-water female character in a man's world
  
• Girl with a gun, always good for laughs
  
• Just enough bare skin, just enough violence
  
• Tantalizing antagonists who are also in love (as in Heigl's "Life As We Know It" and ""27 Dresses")
  
• Built in audience of Evanovich fans

The problem is that some of the variables -- the unknowns in the equation -- turned out to be zero. Even a million winds up nothing when you multiply it times zero.

In the film, Katherine Heigl plays Stephanie Plum. Out of work and out of money, Plum somehow goes from lingerie saleswoman (so we are told, not shown) to bail recovery agent -- a bounty hunter. The Plum job, so to speak, is to bring in her one-time boyfriend, a cop on the run because he's suspected of murder. 

I like Heigl, but what I've found charming in other films rarely appears here. She comes off more tarty than sultry, more game for a challange than capable. Part of that is the fault of the writing that leans on stereotypes of bounty hunters, prostitutes, boxing promoters and more. I haven't read the Evanovich books, so some of it may trace back to that. I don't want to knock detective fiction.  I just don't read it because (having read a few Rex Stout mysteries) I know I'd just get addicted, the same way I'm hung up on romantic comedies. But there isn't a lot of danger of me becoming a slave to Stephanie Plum films.

I wanted to like this movie, but it just didn't have the hook I expect from a bang-bang love story. They're supposed to keep you on the edge of your seat wondering whether the next bullet or Cupid's arrow will hit the leads. Even the frenetically violent Bond movie "Quantum of Solace" and the laughable "Knight and Day" include enough nuance, humanity and plain animal magnetism to make those films more charming that this one.

"One for the Money" -- one movie made just for the money -- seems likely to be the only one. I would deem it unripe pickings for a sequel of "Two for the Dough," Evanovich's second Plum novel. But I won't bet on the franchise withering on the tree. After all, there have been at least three sequels to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes."

Back when I was young, the offbeat female love interest was expressed in a song: "I love the flower girl/Is she reality/Or just a dream to me?" The flower girl has morphed, becoming the Manic Pixie Dream Girl of the movies.  It's roughly the same thing, but we don't have imagine how she looks because she's right there on screen. The movie writers apparently don't have to use their imagination either, just a formula for the stock figure. Take a little otherworldly cuteness, add some flouting convention and throw in a smitten guy in need of an unreality check and, poof, quicker than you can say "Who's that girl," you've got that girl. Girl, as in she never grows up, either.

Don't get me wrong. I love these characters. I looovvvve these characters. But they are easy to poke fun of and I feel lucky I didn't marry one. Here then, are some of my favorite manic pixie dream girl films. By the way, I didn't make up the monicker. Apparently a film critic (a real one, not like me) first described the phenomenon. I stole it from Cracked.com, which produced the clever send-up of the type girl in the video below.

1. "Amelie" (2001) -- With apologies to my pal Maureen, Amelie Poulain is a perfect MPDG. She even speaks French, an otherworldly language to most Americans. She sends lawn gnomes on trips, fondles lentils and has a fixation on the photo booth man. She's everything we love, or hate about the pixie.
   
2. "Benny & Joon" (1993) -- Joon wears a snorkling mask and uses a ping-pong paddle to direct traffic. Need I say more? But wait! There is more. This MPDG is paired with a rare MPDB. Johnny Depp's Sam is equally eccentric and untethered by reality.
   
3. "(500) Days of Summer"  (2009) -- Zooey Deschanel's Summer Finn plays house in Ikea and hanky panky in the copy room. She's so good at representing the type, it's pretty much her look that Cracked.com used for their video.
   
4. "Garden State" (2004) -- Look, it's another wacky Sam. This time it's Natalie Portman, conducting guinea pig funerals and lying with charm to capture Andrew. Love the way she tugs her earlobe in the falling arrows scene.
   
5. "Restless" (2011) -- Mia Wasikowska doesn't quite have the mania, but she sure has the elfin look as she gets her guy to embrace life, and bird lore, before her inevitable demise.
   
6. "Jane Eyre" (2011) -- I wouldn't have put this movie into this category except for thinking about Wasikowska made me remember how Rochester calls her a "fairy" at least once and accuses her of waiting for her little people the night his horse threw him and he met her. She was the MPDG of her time. Great film.
   
7. "Definitely, Maybe" (2008) -- Isla Fisher plays the enchanted April in this film. A pixie and a waif, but one with some steel. And guess what's the book April collects? Yep, "Jane Eyre."
   
8. "Elizabethtown" (2005) -- From what I read on Wikipedia, this is the film that spurred the critic to christen a cliché. Kirsten Dunst's version is a little more conventional, but still has the fairy propensity for popping up unexpectedly. 
   
9. "Scott Pilgirm vs. the World" (2010) -- Ramona Flowers appears in a dream before she appears in reality. Though she's gruffer than the average MPDG, she sure fits the uncoventionality requirement.
   

No matter what the season, the Chick Flick Guy is all about the sympathetic heart squeeze of romance in movies, so why make a special list for Valentine's Day? Simple: They asked me to do one for my day job.

My list is always going to be heavy on romantic comedy. I happen to think comedy is very romantic.  I can't think of any time a woman said she fell in love with a guy because he made her cry. It's always because he made her laugh.

This list shouldn't be considered the "best" or "most romantic" films. Instead, I picked 10 categories of romantic film and gave you an option from each one. Choice is good, since we don't all love the same movies any more than we love the same person. i.e. One man's "meet cute" is another man's poison. (Or "Poison Ivy.")

Whatever your taste, though, I don't recommend snuggling to the film my wife and I went out to see on Valentine's Day 1993: "Schindler's List." It wasn't a question of oddball romantic taste. It was a question of childcare and our only chance to see that year's winner of seven Oscars.

So, here, (early so you can order in time for V-Day) is my list:

Made for the Holiday: "Sleepless in Seattle" -- You could pick "Valentine's Day," but it's not that good. "Sleepless" ends on a February 14 and includes a great scene making fun of tearjerker movies.Classic Story: "Cyrano de Bergerac" -- Nothing better than the Gerard Depardieu version, in my book. For a pleasant Cyrano Lite, see Steve Martin's "Roxanne."
Vampire romance: "Paris je t'aime" -- Fans of the Twilight series will want to drive a stake through my soft heart for not picking the sexy horror films, but I'm suggesting you opt for this film for its short vampire sequence with Elijah Wood and Olga Kurylenko.  And while you're at it, enjoy a lot of other romances in this great collection of short love stories set in Paris.
Movies I Dislike: "Titanic" -- Jack and Rose have an undeniably great romance, but I found this James Cameron epic overblown. If you take this romantic voyage, get some travel insurance.
Same Sex: "Brokeback Mountain" This film has great sweep and stellar supporting cast -- including Michelle Williams and Anne Hathaway -- behind Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal. (If you want funny, check out "Kissing Jessica Stein.")
Multi-romance: "Clueless" -- I love the sharp wit, four romantic pairings and two failed romances in this high school film. It's had many imitators, but no equals.
She's Too Good For Him:  "Say Anything" -- Lloyd Dobler doesn't have much to offer Diane Court except dedicated adoration. That's enough, as it turns out.
Fake Classic: "Shakespeare in Love" -- Each time I see this movie, I fall in love all over again ... with Shakespeare's talent. And Viola de Lesseps.Jaded in Love: "(500) Days of Summer" -- If you think love sucks, this film agrees. He thinks she's Ms. Right, but she thinks he's Mr. Right Now.
Heart Goes Boom: "Speed" -- A great choice for romance surrounded by crashes and explosions. For a romance surrounded by crashes and explosions, I favor "Speed." Keanu Reeves' emotion-free acting is paired with Sandra Bullock's neurotic cuteness.

The derogatory term for followers of the Rev. Moon and his Unification Church is "moonies." I'm starting to think those who have gradually been subsumed into the cult of George Clooney should be dubbed "cloonies."

Since "ER" made him big, Clooney has twice been People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive. That should be enough to make me hate him. But I'm afraid to admit that a slow, steady immersion in the sea of Clooney is starting to bend me in his favor. I'm becoming a "cloonie." I've undergone Cloonification.

I'm came to this conclusion after watching two things recently: "Intolerable Cruelty," his 2003 film with Catherine Zeta-Jones, and his recent appearance on "Inside the Actors Studio." The movie was not one of his best.  He plays yet another roguish charmer, as he has done all too often. The film also repeats the conceit of "Out of Sight" (his 1998 film with Jennifer Lopez), pitting him against a beautiful woman who is both adversary and love interest.

The two leads of "Intolerable Cruelty" were somewhat cartoonish, but appeared less so against the backdrop of more silly supporting characters -- the asthmatic hitman, the rich guy who gets off on trains and young women, the pony-tailed producer. It was fun, not great.